Heart of Darkness

To tear treasure out of the bowels of the land was their desire, with no more moral purpose at the back of it than there is in burglars breaking into a safe.

(Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad 1902)

It was one of those strange moments life throws up every so often. Three feet away from me was a total stranger whom I had never met.  And yet I was more aware of the darkness and anger within his soul than his wife, who was with him. Furthermore, he was equally aware of a similar darkness deep within me. For the badge on his padded jacket linked us in a way even our most loved ones sometimes fail to fully comprehend. RFC.

It is darkness borne out of anger, frustration, powerlessness and a desire for vengeance. Yes vengeance, and I make no apologies for it. A catalogue of unfairness, injustice, mistreatment bitterness and hatred towards our club is what fuels it. Journalists who do not know any better, are telling us to forgive, forget and move on, in fact even some within our ranks are suggesting the same.

I'm not ready, not even nearly ready, to move on.  When I do it will be at a time of my choosing not  at the direction of those who have no understanding or comprehension of that darkness and anger.

Those same journalists could wipe the floor with me as they lay out in chronological order, the facts surrounding the demise of our club and the characters involved.

But it's what they cant tell you which gives rise to understanding the darkness within. Night after night without sleep. Agonising over the latest information only to find it contradicted minutes later from another news source. The feeling of powerlessness to save something which you cherish, which has been with you throughout your entire lifetime. That which could lay claim to the many highs (and lows) of life's reflection.

Nor can they tell you what it feels like to have been made a pariah of Scottish society. To be labelled cheats, financial dopers and to be considered in the same breath as those guilty of bribery and corruption. All of course without trial. Much of what has transpired, by all involved, has been done on a presumption of guilt. They even took away our most fundamental of rights – a presumption of innocence until proved guilty. Nor will I forget the efforts by some to influence that decision making process unfairly. Nor will I forget how they were honoured for their efforts.

Before anyone moves to criticise me for harbouring such darkness and anger let me ask you a question. Has anything really changed ?

Have they abandoned the kangaroo court process which seeks to strip us of titles ? Or the transfer embargo which was unlawfully imposed ?

Has there been a heartfelt apology from those who declared us guilty without trial ?

Have we had any assurance that those same people who tried so hard to destroy our club will be prevented from doing so in the future ?

Have we had any acknowledgement from the SPL that our absence is having a detrimental affect on Scottish football as a whole ? Or by lies and mis-information are they seeking to tell us that all is well without us ?

So until I see some measure of remorse from those responsible for our condemnation, or those who sought to punish us on a presumption of guilt, or until there is acknowledgement that our club and it's support are a vital component part which is essential to the ongoing survival of Scottish football, then I'm afraid you will not find me forgiving, forgetting or moving on.

That's what happens you see when you steal the treasure out of the bowels of the land.